Memories

It’s almost midnight here. Even though there were much anticipations of coming to Melbourne, I actually feel a sense of loneliness. The full moon is hanging outside my window, highlighting the stillness of the night. Sitting alone in my room now, it’s dead quiet. There’s no spinning of the fan, no noise from the television, no familiar voices of my friends and family..

Maybe it’s the feeling of alienation, maybe it’s the feeling of missing somebody or even something. I feel empty. I understood that I was sent here for a purpose. But right now, I just can’t muster any motivation to do anything. I feel like lying down on my bed and let every second squanders by. This is exactly how I feel now. Without my friends, without the social support, I am back to square one. All that I have achieved for the passed years do not matter anymore. I am now a person who has no history, no status and no social background. I can’t help but wonder: Will anyone accept me for they have been together for the past 3 years? For a class of two hundred students, will they even bother?

I remember the times when I was in Singapore. I joined the class 5 months later than the rest. It was dejavu. The feeling was similar. The starting was difficult, but in the end, I was proud to announce that I belonged to the wonderful class of S26. However, I am not alone this trip. I have with me 3 classmates who are staying in the same hostel. Life should be better, I thought. But why do I still feel the same sensation like before?

Perhaps this is just the transition period. Perhaps I’ve thought too much. I tried to console myself. Perhaps as workload starts to pour in, I would not even have time to bother about these petty feelings. I wish.

I spoke to my girlfriend just now; I felt great finding comfort listening to a familiar voice which showed so much concern to me. Thank you darling. I wish to apologize for the silly tantrum I threw upon you. So I wish to speak to you that I wept, I can’t bear to make you feel sad.

It’s a new beginning here. The sun is no longer gentle. It scorches my skin. The air is no longer humid. It cracks my lips. The wind is no longer soothing. It’s so cold it pierces the bone. The people are no longer familiar. They all appear different. The language is no longer the same. There’s no more ‘lah’ in the conversation. The culture is no longer the same. There’s no ‘mamak’s and ‘kedai runcit’s around.

I wish to keep in touch to everyone back in the place where I call home. I wish that the Malaysian that I have always had in me would not be diluted by the duration of my stay in this country. Thank you all my friends and family who have supported and blessed me throughout this journey.

Thank you for sending us off - Jay, Hau Chun, Chin Hun, Lay In, Se Yin, Suet May, Shangari, Li Yeen, Wai Meng, Kenn & Shao Wen!

This entry was posted on Friday, February 2nd, 2007 at 5:59 am and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.